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Spice in a Liminal Space

Updated: Oct 6, 2021

I just discovered the word capsaicin, the element in spice that makes it 'hot' and somehow is also an anti-inflammatory (WHAaa-?) I'm happy to know the word, though, because I now actually know why I get all phlegmy after hot spicy food. (Why do I always seem to be the only one?!) But I digress, I'm posting because I feel stuck in a liminal place between joy and pressure/pain, not unlike dealing with foods a bit too spicy for me.

This was a hell of a summer and I'm loving the fall weather, yet can't really sit back and relax in it. There's always more to do. This week has been waaay to much adulting, and next week I'll have more. I have to come to a balance, make peace with it. Easier said than done, huh? And should I even rant like this on a blog? Who really wants to know? Don't we all get enough griping in our internal dialogues? (Or is that just me? :P ) But I want to share my processing. I've run my own businesses almost my whole adult life. Get a "regular" job isn't something that's even do-able with most places, since my credentials are my own businesses! But once you get used to doing your own thing, it's hard to go back. I'm ok with that. And I would of course encourage others to follow it as well, because I wouldn't change it. But of course it has its own pressures and problems. Some aren't suited for it and that's ok! Anyhow, the hardest part after so much focused change this past month is building a routine back up. And allowing time to do things like just read- and not just re-reading my fiction favs, but more challenging non-fiction that's been sitting on the shelf. Of course to do that I need to make specific time for it, which, oddly, sounds gluttonous. Like, shouldn't I be working every spare minute? There's art to do! There's people to connect with!

I'm realizing if I really schedule things well, I can have time to focus on each thing on my list. Or it seems that way! I worked out the plan yesterday. Next week I have some appointments (for my little one and PT for my hands, which still have numbness after 2 years of issues), but even with that, it seems like it will work. My one issue atm is groceries. Ugh. They suck. Once I have extra money, not many big things will change, but I *will* fly first class, and I *will* eat out more! What would you spend $ on? Everyone has something they spend on. No shame!

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